


Would You Let Me Back In?

by The_Peridot_Writer



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25383637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Peridot_Writer/pseuds/The_Peridot_Writer
Summary: “Would you… Kill her for that?” “You believe there’s good inside there?” “I know there is. I’ve seen it. I wish she’d give herself a chance to be that person again…” “If she wanted to be good… would you let her back in?”
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard
Comments: 10
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Would You Let Me Back In?**

**Summary: “Would you… Kill her for that?” “You believe there’s good inside there?” “I know there is. I’ve seen it. I wish she’d give herself a chance to be that person again…” “If she wanted to be good… would you let her back in?”**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon A Time or any of its plots and characters. All rights belong to ABC Studios. This is simply for entertainment purposes.**

I wake up, startled as I feel a hand touching me. Immediately, I grab onto the arm that is above me, not too interested on being killed just yet. I don’t know where I am, how injured either, nor do I know who is above me. For all I know, it could be a man attempting to have his way with me. However, a voice that I hadn’t heard in such a long time strikes my hearing. “Don’t move. You need to lie still…” No. It can’t be. I shift my gaze, still on my side, now entirely in disbelief as my eyes lock with her green ones. “You have a fever,” she continued. “A dirty blade will do that. Oh…” When she retracts her hand, I notice the damp cloth in it. My body does feel sluggish and cold but that was no where near my priority.

“Snow White,” I manage to say, the bitterness, resentment, anger all in my tone, the surprise gone in that very instant. She doesn’t pick up on it for she merely dabs my forehead again after wetting it. Her tone is gentle when she goes to speak again.

“What’s your name, honey?”

Right. I shift my head, attempting to conjure up a name in that split second. If I want to get away with this, I don’t need to immediately get caught in the act. I don’t look like myself. Rumple’s spell must be working a bit too well, mainly the reason I’m here in the first place. Think. Think. What’s a humble name? Elisabeth? No. Sarah? No… I hesitate before one pops up. “Wilma.” Perfect. She seems none the wiser. And just to top it off… “My family works in the mill.”

I see the faintest shadow of a smile. “Nice to meet you, Wilma,” Snow says, her voice fill with sincerity. I watch as she pulls away, no longer leaning over me. She stops before fully doing so. “You’re going to live, by the way.” I watch as she turns, grabbing something that I can’t make out all too well. Now a new thought pops up.

“How long…” I attempt to move, a grunt escaping as a sharp pain rushing through the left side of my body, my left thigh being the origin. “How long until I can get up?” I pull my upper body up, grabbing a pillow so that I can be elevated at the very least and see what is going on around me. 

“Two days.” It sounds more like a question on her behalf. “Picked a good place for it though. Fresh water, healing herbs,” she crumples up some, allowing them to fall into a bowl as she speaks. “Some not bad hunting if you don’t mind killing the royal livestock which I don’t.” That part shocks me entirely. Her? Hunting? The little princess that almost died to a horse? That thought is ludicrous to me.

“You don’t know how to do that.” I turn my head, realizing my mistake as she stops, looking at me curiously. She doesn’t look suspicious, nor angry, not even offended, just confused. “Oh… I… Um,” I stutter, shifting. Fuck. How do I make it seem that I haven’t lived with her for years? I tilt my head, my voice softening. “You were a princess,” I manage to come up with. There. She relaxes, going back to her herbs.

“Someone from another forest taught me,” she speaks, focusing on her work. “It’s a long story.” She finishes, tapping the bowl and putting the instrument aside. Her voice tells me that the story wasn’t exactly the happiest. I can’t help the curiosity that starts to grow within me. I decide not to dwell on it, changing the subject as a new question appears.

“There are people hunting for you. It’s dangerous for you to be here,” I bring up, her eyes finally locking with mine. “Why are you helping a perfect stranger?”

She hesitates herself and ignores my question. I conclude she doesn’t have a good enough reason. “I’m going to bathe your wound but it’s going to hurt. So… Just listen to me.” A gentle smile appears on her lips. “Kay?” So she is going to answer my question Now I truly wish to know. “It’s easier if you’re distracted.” She turns to the pile of fur and cloth that is over me, shifting them. I feel the cool air hit my leg, an invisible shudder rushing through my body. Now focusing on the wound, I feel the painful throbbing, now realizing that she must have bandaged it while I was unconscious.

“When I was younger, the horse I was riding ran away with me.” She begins to undo the cloth, blood only soaking through the bottom layer. “I was about to be thrown. Would have been killed.” I stop, the contact of her hand sending pain in the wound, my breathing hitching. I didn’t even know how bad it was until now, blood draining away from my face. My breathing picks up in pain as Snow reaches for the bowl she set aside. So that was the purpose of it. “This woman. She had no idea who I was. She came charging after me.” She presses the mixture she made against the stab and I can’t help the hiss of pain that escapes the back of my throat. I hold back a curse, my eyes clenching shut for a few moments. I glance up, my gaze immediately locking with Snow’s. “She saved me,” she states and I feel something in my chest spur that I hadn’t felt for the absolute longest time. I stare into her eyes. They are gentle, fill with compassion, warmth. “She risked her own life… It changed me…” She returns her attention back to my stab, leaving me with my thoughts for a few seconds as I watch her, wondering what the catch is, wondering what her motive is.

Snow White. The fairest in all the land. The kindest, most gentle person one could ever meet. I scoffed at the ridiculous idea before but now, as she speaks. I begin to question my own beliefs, my own perspective of the young woman in front of me. There wasn’t any way that anyone could be so pure. It was impossible. It had to be. My thoughts are interrupted as she continues on. “My mother always told me to keep goodness in my heart and this woman proved that she was right.” I don’t even feel her pressing a clean cloth to my wound, only noticing when she asks if I’m alright.

I nod, a quick smile forming, startling me even. “I’m good. I’m listening.” I speak easily, leaning back once again, a strange feeling of comfort and relaxation falling over me. “… Changed you?” I inquire, the words slipping past my lips before I could stop them. She smiles, nodding.

“Yes,” she whispers out, a gentle twinkle in her green orbs. “Taught me that there can be a genuine selfless connection between people. Even strangers.” Hurt, guilt, sadness forms in my chest, a tear rolling down the side of my face. And for the first time in years, I didn’t feel anger towards her. I feel… Understanding… love… I remember when I first saved her. I had saw the relief in her eyes, the gratitude as I held onto her, ensuring she was safe. She was so thankful, so innocent. I remember it as though it was yesterday. I… cared for the child the moment I saved her, as though she was my own. But the moment Daniel died, I was so upset, so angry, especially when I found out she had told my mother. I was angry. I was… I took it out on her and… she remained good, through all the shit that happened, everything I fucking put her through. I suppress more tears that threaten to flow, taking in a shuddery breath, hoping that she thinks it’s because of pain.

I feel the material go back over as she finishes, sighing softly in return. “There. I’m done,” she smiles, being careful. I miss her. I know that now. I’ve missed so much about her but how… Do I tell her?

I stare blankly ahead, a question escaping. “What happened to her?” She turns to me and I add something quickly. “This stranger…”

“She’s gone,” she speaks gently, passing me a jug of water. There was pain in her voice, a sense of loss. “Oh, but I hope she comes back some day.” She stands and turns, leaving me alone in the tent. I notice the weapons she has on her. A bow with arrows, a sword attached to her side, a crossbow of sorts on her back. She is very well-armed and she seems to know what she’s doing.

I sigh and sit up, looking around the tent fully, staring at the leather and fur from animals she no doubt killed. There’s a pile of meat in the corner, salted to prevent it from spoiling. I take a piece, looking over it. Mutton. She did say she didn’t mind killing the royal livestock but I can’t help but wonder if she took it or if it was given to her.

Next to the mutton is wool. Clean and expertly sheered. A farmer must have sheered it. Either that or she did it herself which would be another surprise for me. I sigh and collapse, ignoring the throbbing that slowly fades into a dull, irritating feeling, much like I was being pinched.

I stop, something catching the corner of my eye: a silver glint. I groan as I move forward, able to grab it nonetheless. I stare at the figurine of a horse, holding the pendant in the palm of my hand. She kept it. After all those years, she kept it. I remember that I had given it to her on her birthday, managing to get it custom made for her. She absolutely loved it when I gave it to her. She was thrilled and I was overjoyed at her reaction.

A small smile crosses my lips as I run my thumb over the silver, the letters _S.W._ engraved at the bottom of the front hooves. I move it in my hand, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. It belongs to a chain, a necklace. Where did it go? I’m surprised that she didn’t lose the pendant to begin with. Perhaps it had broke and she was unable to salvage it. I press a kiss on it before setting it down, returning it to where it was to avoid any suspicion.

Fatigue washes over me as I drink the water, realizing that I am actually parched. I clear my throat, setting the jug down and relaxing. I allow my eyes to close, comfortable where I am, the furs helping me keep my warmth. Maybe this won’t be so terrible.

I am left alone in the tent for the majority of the day. I manage to get enough strength to sit against a tree, watching the rays of the setting sun pass through the branches, a warm glow filling the forest despite it being the beginning of winter. I forget how wonderful it is to be surrounded by nature. I’m always coped up in the castle, forgetting the beauty of it all.

However, as the sun disappeared and the sky grew darker, a ping of worry forms in my chest. Snow has yet to come back. I look around, wondering what direction she went. I stop myself, shaking my head. I shouldn’t be worried. If she doesn’t come back, that means I get what I want. Her death. Snow White will finally be dead A chill runs through my body, that thought suddenly uneasing me. I can’t like her. But she’s so genuine. She reminds me of Daniel in a sense. No. Stop it. Fucking stop. Her and Daniel are incomparable. Daniel is Daniel. Snow killed Daniel. No. She didn’t. My mother tricked her. She was a child. I can’t blame it on her. I can’t. All I have to blame is Cora.

I sigh, leaning back. She saved my life. I saved her. We’re even now. I stop when I see a figure walk up. She greets me with a warm smile. I haven’t been smiled at for the longest time. It truly feels nice. “Seems like you got some of your strength back. How are you feeling?” Snow inquires, sitting down next to me.

“Better,” I casually reply. “My leg feels a whole lot better. Thank you.”

“It’s really nothing. You don’t have to thank me,” she answers, beginning to start the fire up once again.

“Why shouldn’t I? I’m a complete stranger that you know absolutely nothing about and you nursed me back to health. I owe you my life.”

“You owe me absolutely nothing but your well-being,” Snow states simply, stoking the fire with a large branch. I watch as the fire glows back to life, the warmth making its way towards me. My muscles relax and I close my eyes, my breathing evening out. “Are you feeling better, fever wise?” I feel a cold hand on my forehead and I stop her.

“Hey. Your hand is freezing. Are you alright?” I worriedly inquire, taking her hands in mine, rubbing them to warm them.

“Yeah. I just have to stitch up my gloves. I’m okay. I promise,” she reassures me, squeezing my hands.

“Are you certain? You seem frigid.” The part of me shows that I thought I had tucked away. The only part that Snow has ever seen.

“Yes, Wilma. I’m fine,” she reiterates. “Come in the tent. It’s getting colder and I don’t want you freezing out here.” She stands and I feel the emptiness besides me. Normally I’m used to it but it hurts this time around for some particular reason. She looks down and holds a hand out. “Do you need help getting up?”

I hesitate, watching her cautiously, as though this is some kind of trick of hers. I don’t know why but my feelings and thoughts are all awry. One moment I hate her, next I feel sympathy, anger, guilt, sadness. I’m not used to all these feelings. I’m better at shoving them back. She notices my hesitation and I’m thinking that she was going to let me go inside myself. However, I do not expect her to kneel down and take me in her arms.

My eyes widen as I’m now in her strong, yet gentle grasp. I simply don’t know how to react. I never would have assumed that Snow White, out of anyone, would be strong enough to lift me up.

“Are you alright?” she inquires as she easily carries me inside.

“Y-yeah. You… You’re just surprising me,” I admit, a faint blush forming on my cheeks.

“How?”

“I didn’t expect you to be able to pick me up. I mean, I’m not exactly light.”

“But you’re not heavy,” she responds in return. “I’ve managed to get my strength up. I can’t hide as well if I can’t reach high places quickly. Upper body strength helps greatly.” She sets me down gently on the bed of furs and hides. “Do you mind looking away?” she asks and I nod, turning to provide her modesty. I hear the shuffle of clothing and tilt my head, sneaking a peak or attempting to. I stop myself. What the Hell is wrong with me? Maybe I want to see if she’s built. Maybe I’m curious if she’s hiding any scars. I mentally scold myself, cursing in my head. What the actual fuck is going on with me? Why am I doing this? Why am I behaving so strangely? I truly don’t know and I am slowly growing more worried each passing moment.

“Alright,” she sighs, giving me the indication that it’s alright to look now. I sigh in response, turning my head.

When she lays down to sleep, I stare at the sword that is lying against hay. I now turn my attention to her,, seeing her eyes closed as she rests, her breathing evening out. She has no clue, not the faintest idea of who I am. She’s oblivious. As soon as she falls asleep, I can kill her. Right here. Now, after all these years, I can get what I want. But something inside me tells me otherwise.

My fingers itch for the sword before I grab it after ensuring she was asleep. I shift my gazes between her and the heavy iron in my hand. The sword was obviously not cheaply made, and she really did need to have some sort of strength to her which she already demonstrated to me. I actually marvel her strength.

I watch as she sleeps through the dimness of the light provided by the campfire outside. I can do it. Right here. No one would know it was me either. But something tells me not to. After all, she is helping me. Right. I’ll let that be my excuse for the time being. Also, I’m injured. If I kill her now, there’s a chance that I die here too. Rumple might refuse to show. I don’t exactly trust him with anything.

I make up my mind and sigh, setting the sword down and closing my eyes and falling asleep quite easily to my surprise.

When I wake, I’m greeted by the smell of beef stew by my side. Snow is already up, sharpening her sword. She glances up and smiles. “Hey. You’re up. Do you feel any better?”

I nod, my stomach grumbling. She hears this and gestures to the soup. “Eat. Please. You need to get your strength up.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, taking the bowl in shaky hands, managing not to spill any as I begin to eat. I’m surprised by the flavor. I figured it to be bland but it’s good. Don’t tell me that she’s a cook now too. It’s silent in the tent, the only sound being the fire outside. “… Are you leaving here again?” I inquire.

“Yeah. But not for long. There’s a town down here not too far. I’ll see if I can get some bread, maybe some fish if I’m lucky.”

“Aren’t you worried that someone might turn you in?”

“No. Besides, I’ve gotten my way out of messes before. If I’m really not fit to leave, I wouldn’t. I also know what areas to avoid,” she hums easily as she rubs the cloth over the blade, managing to get some shine back to it. I watch in silence before attempting to get up.

I’m stopped by a gentle hand on my shoulder and I glance up at Snow. “What are you doing?”

“I want you to rest up for today. We’re gonna start traveling tomorrow and I think that it would be in your best interest to rest.”

“Where are we going?”

“We’re heading to another kingdom. I have to meet up with a few friends and then plan our next course of action.”

“How long until we get there?”

“I’d say a week if we have no interruptions. If we do, two weeks.” She takes off some meat, handing it to me.

“This is an awful lot of meat, isn’t it?” I take it regardless.

“Yes but you need it to heal. Unfortunately, I’m unable to get some of the more basic necessities, even in the village.”

“What about markets?”

“I don’t have any coins and I’m not a fan of stealing,” she admits, grabbing the leather bag and putting some items in it. She notices the stallion, cursing underneath her breath. “Damnit.” She grabs a dagger, slicing a piece of leather, skillfully creating a band. She attaches it to the figurine, now putting the necklace on before returning to packing.

“The… pendant. What is it?” I know full well what it is but I want to hear her perspective about it.

“A horse. The woman who saved me gave it to me. It used to have its own strap but it broke off. If I’m doing something risky, I usually put it somewhere safe. If not, I wear it. I consider it a good luck charm. It has a lot of love attached to it and I would never willingly give it up to anyone.”

I nod as she speaks, staring at the pendant. I am admittedly touched that she cares so much about it. I suppose I have a lot to think about.


	2. Chapter 2

**Would You Let Me Back In?**

**Chapter Two**

Just like the day before, I am left alone, completely immersed in my thoughts. I think about our conversation again and again, wondering why, how she is so selfless. She believes that there is a connection amongst strangers. Still as naïve and hopeful as ever, as though the child in her never left. All children have that spark, that belief that there is good in everyone, holding onto that mentality until something happens that steals it, never again allowing them to believe in pureness again. Snow had that happen to her. She had that naivety that killed Daniel in the first place. My mother saw it and exploited it, taking advantage of her innocence in order to get what she wanted.

I think about this even more. Snow is a child. In many ways than not, she hasn’t learned her lesson. She is helping a stranger that can possibly take advantage of that innocent mentality she holds. That will be her undoing. I truly thought that she would have learned it. Not everyone is good. They had it stripped away from them. It might have been present when they were once a child but now, they lack it because they have been proven wrong. _But that’s what makes her different._ I begin to argue with myself. _That’s what makes her pure, keeping her heart light and good. She has the thought. She believes it fully. Just like I did. If only-._ I stop my train of thought before if could continue.

_With her mindset, she should be dead._

_But she isn’t. Which means that she has a point._

_Either that or extraordinarily good luck._

_She’s not fully a child. She has a back-bone. She knows how to fight for herself._

_She leaves herself vulnerable whenever she puts her trust into someone and believes that foolish thought. Genuine, selfless connection my ass._

_But… We had one. We did. My mother fucked it up._

_She did! Snow has too much trust in people. It will kill her! Her naivety is the reason Daniel isn’t here right now!_

_Surely she knows better now… That statement isn’t fully wrong but she must have learned something. She must have someway to protect herself if need be. She knows how to handle a weapon. She isn’t defenseless._

_But in this tent, neither are you.._

_I don’t understand. What’s your fucking point?_

_Snow is still to blame for Daniel’s death and she hasn’t learned her lesson. That’s it. Plain and simple._ I stop myself as I process the argument I just had, pushing myself up into a seated position. I get up, finding It easier than yester-day before I reclaim my spot underneath the tree. Truthfully, I want nothing more than to go for a walk but I figure that I’m going to be walking a lot in the near future. I also don’t want to harm myself by straining my body soon. So I sit there.

I observe the tent and everything it’s made of. Structurally sturdy, the roof covered with leaves, branches, and moss. Judging by how it’s made, this isn’t the first structure Snow has built. It impresses me, especially if she did it singlehandedly.

Grabbing a stick, I shove some leaves to the side, revealing dirt. I absentmindedly begin to trace into it, bringing myself to when I was a child with Daniel. If we were bored, that was what we did and we would take turns figuring out what the other was drawing. As I continue, I stop, realizing what I had traced. A silhouette of a young girl. I allow my hand to continue. Now a horse. I draw the man and add an eye. The pupil is staring at me, as though it can see into my soul and I become unnerved. I shove the dirt over the horse but not over the girl. I turn my attention to her. I start the outline of a face and after ten minutes, I can see the smile of a young girl, akin to Snow when she was younger. I stare at it, a strange surge of happiness rushing through me before it’s replaced by guilt and deep sadness. Only when a drop lands on the dirt is when I notice that I’m crying.

I take in a breath before burying my face into my hands, beginning to cry fully. I don’t even remember the last time I allowed tears to escape. I don’t remember when I allowed my emotions besides anger and resentment to run rapid. But I know the reasoning behind my tears. I know the past that forces the liquid to escape, the future that threatens more to follow. The future. What do I even want from the future? Whom do I want present in it? I don’t know. I thought I had it planned out by now. That my future consists of my father and I, the body of Snow White lying in ashes by the wooden stake in the execution grounds.

I would spend much of my time simply staring at the wooden stake, wondering when she would be tied to that post. She would just be there and I contemplated if I should put a bag over her head or not. I argued that she shouldn’t see it coming, much like I didn’t see Daniel’s death coming. Or maybe I should just leave her there, allowing the paranoia to get to her, wondering when I was going to kill her, when the fire reaches her and consumes her fully.

I stop these thoughts, sickened suddenly by them, growing considerably disgusted with myself as I think I would spend hours absorbed in the thought of how I would kill her. Her life would be taken, stripped away. While she still had much to experience and learn. She is a child and taking her life now means that saving her as a child wouldn’t mean a damn thing. Things would be much different though. Or maybe not.

If my mother didn’t have Snow to get to Daniel, she would have found another way. I am absolutely certain of it now. Once she had set intentions, absolutely nothing at all would result with things not going her way. It was as though she had some control over the universe. As though regardless of what nature wanted, she could corrupt it.

I continue to stare at the joyful image yet as I look into her eyes, all I see is a tortured soul. A soul completely stripped of innocence and the thought of well-being. Stripped of hope and left only with the knowledge of how to run and hide from danger as it grabs her from each and every direction. Stripped of purity, taken from her as a desperate mean to obtain food. Yet outside, she remains smiling and innocent, holding the foreboding and dark history behind a mask as it eats her alive inside… This is what I subjected her to. She is broken, painted over to hide the cracks, dents, flaws. But regardless, she is the broken toy that is only used for the child does not fear ruining it as opposed to a brand new shiny toy.

And the more I look, the more tortured the eyes became, boring into my soul, demanding why I continued until she had nothing left to give. I don’t know if it’s my imagination but I watch as tears form in her eyes, her smile disappearing and being replaced with a look of absolute grief. My heart aches as the child cries. All I want to do is hold her in my arms, on my lap. Soothe her like I used to when Snow had a nightmare. How she would cling to me, feeling safe only with me, no one else. Considering me her mother who has long passed.

I was a mother to her. She trusted me enough to consider me her mother. All she wanted was the best for me. Her intentions were pure. She was trying to make me happy. Unlike my mother. If it wasn’t for her, perhaps Snow would be ruling the kingdom. Under a kind and gentle hand.

The day passes quickly as I remain absorbed in my thoughts. I have my eyes closed and Snow must have figured I’m asleep. I feel her take me in her arms again and she enters the tent, placing me down and replacing the furs over me. She tends to my wound as I continue the façade, wondering if she has any other intentions. She doesn’t.

I allow an eye to open when I hear the rustling of clothing and what meets my gaze surprises me. A muscular stomach, smooth skin, scars on her upper chest. But what really interests me is her build. Even Daniel didn’t have as defined muscles as she does. A blush permeates on my cheeks as I realize I’m staring far too long. She doesn’t notice and before she turns, my eyes are shut again.

I’ve never seen the body of another woman except my own. I realize the female body is built differently but I always figured that men got the better attributes. I never once imagined a female with abdominal muscles like hers. Women are supposed to be frail, small, delicate, skinny. What she is is the absolute opposite. All I see n my head is her without her shirt and I feel myself become flustered. I shift myself to my side, my back towards Snow to conceal my now read cheeks.

I attempt to convince myself that I am merely in shock, impressed by her strength, pushing away the idea of being… _attracted_ to her. I can’t be. One, I was a mother to her. Two, I am older than her, despite my dark magic allowing me to keep my youthful appearance. Three, she’s a woman. As am I. Love and attraction is for men and women. All the rest is considered tomfoolery. While it is not necessarily a crime, nor is it looked down upon, it is simply not taken seriously. All legal binds are between two opposite genders together. But… damn. I truly wouldn’t mind taking in her build a bit longer. No. I can’t be. There’s no way. Not a chance.

I hear the retreating footsteps and the crackling of the fire as Snow builds the flames up again. I shift onto my back now, my stomach grumbling, reminding me that I haven’t eaten since the morning.

Snow comes back in shortly after, seeing me. She smiles and helps me sit up. I don’t oppose her, despite being capable of doing it myself. Once again, she inquires on how I’m feeling. Regardless of doing it myself. Once again, she inquires on how I’m feeling. Regardless of the contradicting feelings of annoyance and gratitude, I allow a smile to cross my lips. I reply that I’m doing better and I can’t help but notice how cold and pale her hands are, having felt them when she helped me up. “Snow. Your hands,” I now comment. “Did you not sew your gloves?”

“I haven’t had time to. But it’s alright. I haven’t worn my gloves in weeks and I’m fine.”

“Sure, but it’s gotten colder. We’re getting into winter. Just because your name is Snow means that you’re immune to the cold,” I jest, lighting the mood. Her laugh fills the air, surprisingly warming my body better than any fire can. The joyful sound from her strikes me differently for some strange and odd reason. It’s fill of life and it reminds me of Daniel’s laugh.

“I’m alright. If you’re really worried, after we eat, I’ll sew them. How does that sound?” she offers. I smile now.

“That sounds much better. Thank you. If you’re going to take care of me, the least I can do is ensure that you’re caring for yourself. Plenty of people lose arms and legs because they simply aren’t careful and I truly don’t want the same to happen to you. Don’t you have a kingdom to claim? You will be no good if you’re holding a bow between your teeth and attempting to shoot an arrow with your toes.”

She laughs once more and I take the time to observe her. I notice how her eyes close, her cheeks turning a light red as she laughs. Her moves are delicate yet bold. She holds the past of a princess but the presence of a fighter and outcast all in one. it’s charming and it reveals a true character in her. Someone she truly is. I notice that her movements are simple and precise. There is thought to them yet she doesn’t seem to hide anything. It’s as though she isn’t mimicking anyone. What she does is with experience and gracefulness, yet having some slight jerks and swings, some muscle behind the tugs and pulls. It’s unique, something that I haven’t truly observed before in another person. Part of it is strange, as if she’s trying to impress me but also ensuring she isn’t going over the top. 

Dinner pertains of beef, bread, and fish. I inquire on how she got the fish, alluding to what she said about not wanting to steal. “I traded some strips of fur for it. The fisherman was poor and I wish I was able to provide him with some money. He said that fur would be enough to make up the cost.”

“Yes but don’t you need the fur?”

“As I said, there’s live stock here that can be hunt. If we’re in dire straights, I don’t think a night in a stranger’s house would hurt. Of course, I always pay them…”

“With…?” I watch as she grows quiet, continuing to salt the new meat. I furrow my eyebrows now. She couldn’t possible be… As the thought crosses my mind, I simply become more than curious and a pit in my stomach forms, nervousness rushing through my veins. “Snow… what do you pay them with?”

“As long as my debt is repaid, it doesn’t matter,” she responds, her voice monotone. “Finish eating, Wilma. We’ll be leaving as soon as you get up.” She set the meat down and laid down now, her back towards me as she drifts off to sleep, leaving me once again alone with my thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Would You Let Me Back In?**

**Chapter Three**

_It refuses to let go of me. Why won’t it just leave me alone? “Wilma. Please. Regina, no. Wilma. Regina. Wilma. Regina. Please! I was a child! I didn’t know! Please! I love you!” The voice was replaced with that of a child. Now all I can see is her face, a deep red as tears rush down. “Regina… I’m sorry,” the child sobs, clutching onto the skirt of my dress as though her life depends on it. “I’m sorry. Please. Don’t leave me. I’m scared. I already lost my mother. Don’t make me lose you too! Please!” I find myself holding onto her, holding her to my chest as she cries. I don’t want to let go. No part of me wants to let her go. I feel a tug and she holds onto me even more. I feel her being pulled away. “Please! She’s gonna kill me! Please!” I pull her closer to me before she’s ripped away, leaving me feeling empty._

_“Snow! Snow!” I call out and reach for her. But she’s gone. All I hear is my heart pounding before laughing fills the air. Mine… I see the scene shift and I’m standing in front of her body. Blood of the richest red rolls down the side of her mouth. I’m unable to move. Unable to do anything. Nothing at all._

_“Why did you kill her?” His voice. No. Please. Don’t torture me too. This isn’t real. It can’t be. I fucking refuse. “I thought you were more. But you’re not. And I can’t love someone like you. I can’t love you. I don’t love you. You’re not the person I fell in love with. I refuse to marry a monster. To be with a cold-blooded killer like you. I refuse.”_

_Now her. She digs her hand into his chest, ripping out his heart. I attempt to scream but nothing lets me. No words can escape as I’m rendered mute. “It’s for the best, Regina. You know all I do for you is because I love you and I simply want the absolute best for you. Come on, honey. Mother knows best. Your…. Friend was holding you back. And little Snow…” My blood runs cold now._

_“Where is she?” I now demand, a new form of anger forming. “Where is she? What did you do to her?!” The anger feels different as my perspective jumps between the young Snow and the older one. The one for the child Snow is much like a mother. A mother fearful for her child’s life. But the fear for the Snow taking care of me now… It’s different. Strange yet familiar at the same time. Something akin to Daniel only not as strong yet holding the mother part as well._

_I see her. And all I feel is fear. Just pure fear. “Mother. Don’t. Not her. Stop this!”_

_“But I thought that you wanted her to die on that horse. Is that not what you said when you found out about what she did?”_

_“What you did, Mother! You took advantage of her! Leave her alone! Keep her out of this! Enough! You ruined my life! It was you! You tricked her into thinking she was doing something good for me but all you’ve done was hurt me. And that’s all you’ll ever do! Because you’re so selfish. All you’ve ever been was selfish! I wish you never had me! Father was an idiot for marrying you! That’s why he left you! He wanted to raise me, but you wouldn’t let him because of how selfish you are! I thought you were different! I thought you were trying to be better! You promised me that you would! But of course that was another empty fucking lie! Don’t touch her! Let her go! I love her like my daughter!” There. I admitted it. A daughter. My daughter. She_ is _my daughter. I’ve been so dead set on killing my daughter for years but it feels as though a weight is finally, finally off my shoulders. “Give her to me. Don’t touch her. Don’t you fucking dare. Cora. Or I’ll kill you,” I now threaten, knowing full well that I would be capable of doing it. And something told me not to hesitate. Not for a second. “Leave my daughter alone,” I speak calmly to show that I’m in control, that I have my senses and wits about me. That I’m not acting on irrational thought._

_But she doesn’t move. She stands there and my throat constricts out of fear as Snow, at the age of ten, appears in front of her. Cora stares at me calmly. Much too calmly. It sickens me to the very depths of my core. I only felt this feeling one time ago. That one dreadful moment when I realized that Daniel was dead. The feeling is back. “Please. Mother. Don’t. Don’t steal her from me too. I beg of you. She’s all I have left. Father doesn’t have much time. He’s old. Mother. Don’t do this to me. Not again. Never again… I’ll… I’ll do anything.”_

_I feel my knees buckle beneath me and now, I’m groveling in front of my mother. Which wouldn’t be the first time. No where near it. “Spare her. She is but a child. She can grow up to do great things.”_

_“And what of you?” My mother demands._

_“I have already grown. My chances have been tainted and my name has been tarnished for years now.” The past starts to collide with the present and I am left more than confused. But I refuse to make that stop me. “Daniel is gone. I only have her. And if you take her away from me… You’ll lose your only child.” I watch as confusion forms on her face and without taking a thought, my hand sinks into my chest, fingers wrapping around my heart as I rip it out. For once, I ignore the blackness, having another priority at the moment. “You kill me.” I take a step forwards, outstretching my hand as I present my heart to her. “You might as well kill me too.”_

_Cora stares at me as though I had seemingly grown another head. “And why on Earth would I do that, Regina?”_

_“That’s all you’ve ever been doing. Since I was a child. You’ve been killing me but yet you never seem to give me the release of death. And if you want to do something good for me… For once… Kill. Me.”_

_She’s baffled and for once in her life, doesn’t seem to know how to respond. An accomplishment indeed on my behalf. If the situation was any different, I know damn well that I would be gloating. But it’s not different. It would be more than inappropriate to do such a thing. I stand there, not having moved a single inch. “Well,” I now demand, my worry having spiked more somehow. “Are you going to fucking do it or what?”_

_“Regina, you’re not understanding that I’m doing this for you, not me.”_

_I break more. “No. It is for you. Because you were unable to fulfill your dreams, you decided to have a child and fulfill the dreams you couldn’t through her. But there’s a fucking reason you didn’t get what you wanted. Because you’re a manipulative bitch who only thinks about herself and what is ultimately best for her, disregarding how others feel or how others are impacted.”_

_I wait for her to say something, anything. Nothing escapes her mouth and for once, she’s letting me speak. “Snow didn’t kill Daniel. You did. And you killed me too. I was broken. You know it. And not wanting to take the blame, you let Snow do it. As if she was the one who ripped his heart out. She can barely bring herself to hurt a fly. The only one in the wrong here… Is you. Please. Let her go.” She considers this and I let out a breath as she frees the child. However, she runs past me and I’m more than confused. I turn around, looking at who she does go to. A younger version of myself. The version before Daniel was killed. I feel my heart sink, watching as the younger version of me happily scoops her up and holds her._

_“Unfortunately,” I hear my mother begin. “She does not know the present you. But she fears you regardless.” She gestures to the heart that rests in my hand, the darkness still swirling around. “She sees that you’re not pure. That you’re far from it. So she doesn’t want you. She wants the you she knows. The you that she loves and looks up to. She will never look up to a murderer, Regina. Regardless if you want to change… You lost that chance to become family again.”_

_I watch the scene. How happy I am to hold her as if she is indeed my own. My heart throbs at what my mother says. She is right. I am a murderer. And who wants to be with someone like that? And I want nothing more than to be my old self again. If I work hard enough, then surely. But I’ve already done so much damage. And Snow knows that. I’ve done unforgiveable things. No one in their right mind would let me back. And now… That’s my greatest fear. If I want to make the change, I don’t know if she’d accept it._

_“Why do you want her approval so badly, Regina? You’ve spent years hating her and in less than a day, you begin caring about her again. Why is that?”_

_“Because she cares. She never… stopped caring.” I speak aloud but mostly to myself. “And… I think a part of me has never stopped caring about her. It was the hurt that hid it. But I know what I want. I want to make amends. I want to be better.” I swallow, finding it increasingly easier yet difficult in understanding my emotions, my thoughts, my heartache. I’ve never given myself the time to process anything. I was so absorbed with the simple thought of killing her and how to do it, it left no time to even think about myself, my own mental well being. I became obsessive and I disregarded so much in my life… So much._

_I’m incapable of taking any of it back. I don’t know what to do. All I can do is watch the scene. It begins to shift, showing the death of Daniel, showing the years that pass as Snow grows up, as I abandon and pull away from her. Most of the time, she remains alone in her bedroom or attached to her father. And when he dies, she pulls away from the world entirely. I remember those days… Where I barely see her yet know she’s alive. I remember the slight bouts of worry, when I contemplated on checking up on her._

_She struggled on her own just like I did. She fought against the sadness and the will to succumb to the darkness. And when she grew too tired, she would sleep for days on end. She would neglect herself, refuse to see others. She never would bring herself to harm herself physically but she was still neglectful. Eventually, the staff of the castle had to intervene, worrying about the princess’ safety. They would force her to eat. Physically had to spoonfeed her. Even then. She was constantly ill and tired. It’s rather surprising to me that she found the energy or the will to fight for so long since she had been chased out of her home. But it seemed that something had seemingly dawned on her as she walked with the huntsman behind her. As though something snapped and she knew that she couldn’t let herself give into the depression._

_I was hurt too and I knew that I had lost the second person I cared about when she told me about Daniel. Part of me wanted her dead. So I didn’t have to be hurt by the fact she never went to me anymore for absolutely anything. That topic itself is draining. The scene disappears and I’m left fully in the dark. It’s pitch black and I’m left alone with only my thoughts to torment me. Is this what Hell is? Not a place filled with brimstone and fire but one filled with self-regret and loathing? Seems more than fitting for me for I know that my thoughts alone are capable of driving me crazy. I wouldn’t need an imp with a pitchfork to torture me. I’d be making his job only that much easier. Maybe Satan can do something with me. Truthfully, I also doubt that._

_Scoffing to myself, I think about how much would be different if Cora didn’t intervene. If Snow’s father had died, I would have happily taken her in. No doubt Daniel would think about it. If she was important to me, then she was to him. Maybe Daniel and I could have had our own child running around. They would have been only slightly younger than Snow. We had planned to get married and have children earlier but went against it in fear of my mother._

_I just sit there and my thoughts begin to disappear, leaving me alone… Nothing is brought up. I don’t allow myself to think._

_A small light appears and I squint to see it better. My thoughts appear, from fuzzy to sharp and distinct._

My eyes open and I find myself laying on the furs in the tent, the sight of Snow kneeling by the fireplace the first thing I see and I feel my nerves settle. I feel comfortable.


	4. Chapter 4

**Would You Let Me Back In?**

**Chapter Four**

As I wake slowly but surely, I groan, fatigue washing over me, my dream haven been so emotionally draining that it was as though I haven’t slept a wink. And we’re leaving now. Great. All I can hope is that I don’t reveal anything in an exhausted stupor. I finally manage to push myself up, hearing how groggy my voice is. “Morning already?” I glance over to Snow, seeing the smoke of the drowned fire rising in the crisp morning air.

She walks over, a rather cheerful response falling past her lips. “We have one every day.” She grabs two gloves, pulling them on as she throws me a quick smirk as if to tell me that she stitched them. I am relieved actually. This morning seems to be particularly harsh and unforgiving, even my own hands growing cold. I ignore it. “Well, you look better. I think you slept off the last of it,” she continues. I inwardly scoff. If only she knew. I give her a small smirk in return. Her being worried wouldn’t be helpful to either of us.

“I think I did,” I agree, a sigh escaping past my lips. I stand now, finally able to without Snow’s help. I look around the tent, seeing everything pack and ready to go. “You didn’t waste any time,” I observe, looking back to her as she searches to ensure that she isn’t forgetting anything. I see the horse necklace beneath her cloak now.

“No. Noises in the woods. Could be a patrol,” she speaks, almost frantically. “If we stay too long…” Out of the corner of my eye, I see her hold something out to me. I stop, freezing as I stare at the sword. No. She can’t be putting this much trust in me. While it’s only been a couple of days, I’m still a stranger. This will make it more than easy to kill her. It’s as though she knows who I am and is giving me an invitation to kill her here and now. Or later. When her back is turned. I take it, nonetheless.

“You’re arming me?” I inquire, somehow managing to mask my surprise.

“Well, just in case. Her soldiers are ruthless. Stay behind me.” And without as much as a double take, she turns and leave. I stare at the sword. Behind her. Stay behind her. That’s it. I feel a twisted smile form across my lips as she basically just handed me her life. Despite the dream, the mere fact of knowing how easy it will be to just kill her in the woods, here and now, makes me high. To finally get what I ‘ve waited for years to achieve makes me overjoyed. An the most ironic part of it being that she handed me the fucking blade that is more than capable of taking her life. I hear the footsteps growing fainters, snapping me out of my thoughts. I quick attach the sword to my side and rush off swiftly, catching up with her.

We remain quiet as we walk, my hands resting on the sword as I begin to take everything around us in. I don’t even remember the last time I took a walk in the woods. But I can’t even enjoy it, my thoughts protruding, one voice just yelling at me to strike now. My grip tightens on the stilt of the sword as I begin to unsheathe it, my heart picking up, another part of me telling me to put it back. I see Snow turn her head as if she saw something and I know she’s on high alert. I shake my head, shoving the sword back into its holder. I can’t. It just… doesn’t feel right.

“If the stories are to be believed,” I begin, Snow slowing down to turn to me. “The queen sent the huntsman to tear your heart out.” I feel my stomach lurch, something about the statement making me feel sick. Snow picks up the pace again, as if the statement made her uneasy.

“She did,” she finally confirms, keeping the answer short and simple.

“How horrible,” I remark, watching as she steps over and down a log. She holds out her hand to help me, to which I don’t hesitate taking, wanting to feel that secure grip again. “If you… had her here in front of you now…” My voice shakes as I am unable to help it, fearing the answer before the question even escapes.”… Would you kill her for that?” I stop as I stand above her, our eyes interlocking as I try to read her, wondering what she’s thinking now, my grip on her hand tightening unconsciously.

She just helps me down now before beginning to walk again and I fear that my dream is about to become reality, that my mother will be right.

“Regina wants to hurt people. I think she’s in constant pain and is always trying to figure out whom to blame for it. We lived in the same household but still she could never see that I was on her side. She wanted… revenge more than she wanted love and I can’t imagine living that way. I want to be guided by love. So no,” she stops for a second, turning to me. “I wouldn’t kill her.”

I scoff now, feeling as though she’s trying too hard to show her good side. “No one’s that generous,” I laugh. “People aren’t that good.”

“No, I think they are, even her. She’s just afraid to look vulnerable,” she says matter-of-factly. Every part of me wants to scream at her. But she’s right on what she says. Every word she spoke… She’s right. And she knows it. I have a chance. My hopes begin to spur at the thought, the need to kill her beginning to slowly but surely disappear.

But now I stop as it becomes silent. “You… you think there’s good inside there?” The doubt begins to plague my mind and heart again, but part of me, the part that I kept suppressed for years, begins to creep up, wanting to come back, wanting to love and be loved again. And if I could turn to anyone for that help, I know it would be Snow.

“I know there is. I’ve seen it. I wish she’d give herself a chance to be that person again.” She knows. She remembers. Even after all this shit… will she?

“You don’t think it’s too late for her…?”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s too late for anyone.”

“So if she…” I stop, watching as she turns to look at me. “… if she wanted to change… If she wanted to be a family again… If she wanted to be good… Would you forgive her for that? Would you let her back in?”

“If she really means it, yes. I would love that.”

That was it. That was all needed. My heart throbs in my chest as I feel hope in the purest form take over me. Hope for the future. Hope for love again. Hope for happiness. Hope for family. Daniel may be gone but I know now I have Snow. And the only bitterness and anger I feel is towards myself. For hating her. For trying to kill her when all she wanted was to help me. That was all she ever wanted. And that’s all I want now. All I want is to ask her to forgive me and allow her to make me be her mother again. The idea makes me content and I smile as my heart fills with happiness, joy… relief.

“I wouldn’t mind a feather bed either but neither one is happening so there’s no use thinking about it. She wouldn’t offer.” I can’t help the chuckle that escapes as we begin to walk again.

“Sometimes people can surprise you,” I smile. But she stops as she looks ahead, her face turning into that of pure horror. My eyebrows crease in confusion before I follow her gaze. My heart stops. Below us are bodies. Bodies upon bodies upon bodies and I hear an audible “no” escape past Snow’s lips. “We’ve gone further than I thought,” I speak aloud, not noticing.

“these people are dead because they helped me?” Snow demands, her voice cracking as she grows visible upset. My own heart aches now. I should feel guilty. Not her… Never her.

I turn fully, placing a gentle hand on her arm to comfort her. “You didn’t do this,” I attempt to soothe her.

“Oh, I know,” she shakes her head. “She did it.” She seems to grow even more upset now. “I take it back.” My heart freezes once again. “It is too late for her. I could never forgive her… There’s no good in that woman! None! I was wrong… There never was.”

I stand there, turning my attention back to the bodies, attempting to think of what to say. I don’t want her somehow figuring me out, especially not now. I know she’s upset. I am as well. But defending myself now wouldn’t help. I run too much of a risk. So I just stand there.

“Snow?” I now inquire as she stumbles, falling to her knees. “Snow, are you alright?” I kneel besides her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close as she begins to sob into her hands.

“No,” she manages to whimper out. “Regardless of them being killed by the queen’s men… They’re still dead because of me.”

“No! They aren’t!” I attempt to insist. “As you said, you weren’t the one who actually killed them! She gave the orders! The men killed them!”

“Regardless…” She repeats. I shake my head, taking her face in my hands as I stare into her teary eyes.

“No. Snow. Not regardless. You didn’t kill them. This is _not_ your fault. Don’t blame yourself…” I sit down besides her, gathering her in my arms as she cries even harder. I blink several times to push away my own tears. “Don’t blame yourself…”

We sit there for I don’t know how long. But truthfully, I don’t care. I’m taking her back in. She was always on my side… Now, I’m always gonna be on hers. And I promise it. I may have wanted revenge more than love, but now I just want love. And I just want to give it. I know I have a lot to work on. A lot of emotions to fight, a lot to do, to make amends. But I need to gain trust first. As Wilma. Regina will have to die for a while. Wilma will have to take over.

I just stay there, rubbing her back as she cries, rocking us back and forth, much like Daniel used to do. Much like I used to do for when she was younger, especially for the nights that were particularly bad for her. Truthfully, I miss it. I miss it terribly and I’m happy to have her back in my arms despite the circumstances. And a lot was gonna be rocky and difficult but I have a feeling we can do it.

She begins to get out of my arms and I watch as she heads into the village. I now begin to follow, confused as to what she was doing. She sets down everything she has before grabbing a shovel, beginning to dig. “Snow… what are you doing?”

“Giving them a proper burial,” she responds.

“But shouldn’t we get going…? The queen’s men…”

“You can go if you want, Wilma. But since these people died because of me, I refuse to leave them out here to rot.”

“But there’s so many… It’ll take all day.” Regardless, I set everything down and also grab a shovel, helping her dig.

“Then let it take all day.”

It did take all day and I couldn’t help but count the bodies as we went. At sunset, Snow passes the body of a young woman to me and I carefully place her into the grave, refusing to look at her features. But one feature sticks out. She was pregnant. Now both the lives of her and her unborn child were taken. Because of me. I now feel sick to my stomach. I set her down, wrapping her up in white sheets just like the other eighty-seven people. Eighty-eight people… eighty-nine if the unborn child is included.

I sigh before pulling myself out and filling in the hole. Once I stop, I look over my shoulder, turning my attention to Snow. She had been quiet the entirety of the day. I saw her working but I have yet to see her rest. I’ve taken several breaks throughout the day, knowing I would collapse if I didn’t. I know that she’s strong and well built but we’ve been going, at the very least, six hours. I sit down, eyeing her, seeing that she was trembling. Out of exhaustion or sadness. I’m unable to tell. But I don’t like it either way. “That was the last of them. Come and rest, Snow,” I address her now.

She shakes her head, grabbing her things. “No. We’ve lingered too long. We have to make up tonight what we lost today.”

“You’re in no condition to.”

“I’m fine.”

I take in a deep breath at her stubbornness before thinking. “Might I rest then? I don’t feel too well.”

She turns now, a look of genuine concern forming. She rushes over, taking my face in her hands. “You don’t look too well either,” she whispers before cursing beneath her breath. “I’m sorry. I should have been more mindful. And you’ve only just healed. You need to rest. I’m sorry. I pushed you too hard too soon.”

“No!” I immediately shake my head. “It was my choice. You didn’t force me. And after all the help you gave me, it didn’t’ feel right to just stand back and watch,” I admit. “We both need rest. Not just me.”

“Wilma. I’ll be alright.”

“Fine. Then if you don’t want to rest, I won’t either,” I answer now, grabbing the sword. But before I’m allowed to walk off, she stops me with a gentle hand on my arm. I smirk inwardly, knowing I won as we head to an empty cottage. Despite her insistence on being fine, she almost immediately passes out upon lying down.

I stare at my hands that are covered with dirt and dried blood. It doesn’t bother me. The moment I failed to defend myself was the moment I knew that I wasn’t Regina anymore. She’s gone. And I know that I buried her along with the others. The past is dead and the future is ahead. I’m more than happy to live it now as Wilma.


	5. Chapter 5

**Would You Let Me Back In?  
Chapter Five **

The next day we head out early and Snow is absolutely silent, obviously deep in thought so I don’t bother speaking to her. Well, not that I don’t bother but it seems that she wants to be left alone with her thoughts. Halfway through the day, she stops. “Are you hungry? We can stop and set up camp.”

I shake my head. “No. It’s alright. It’s a bit too early to stop, isn’t it?”

“No. Not necessarily. We did wake up before dawn so I think we caught up to where we should be.” She looks up. “Yeah. A few hours before nightfall. I need to hunt and we have to set everything before sunset. This place is also riddled with wolves so I need to set up some barriers.”

I pale at this. “Wolves?” I inquire. Typically such a thing wouldn’t faze me. But I have no powers and I barely remember how to hold a sword properly, nonetheless, protect myself from wolves. I never took up swordsmanship despite the face that Daniel wanted to teach me. I never thought that I would find it necessary.

“Don’t worry about them,” she speaks kindly, offering me a reassuring smile which, surprisingly, does help soothe my nerves. “Wave a torch at them and they’ll be gone. As smart as they are, they’re still animals. And before you assume I harm them, I don’t. I merely frighten them away.”

“I wasn’t gonna assume you were going to harm them,” I truthfully admit. “Why would you think that?”

She shrugs. “People assume. You said so yourself. People aren’t that good so… they just assume the absolute worst in others. I don’t even want to scare the poor things… Hurting them is out of the question. Especially since my lover is a werewolf.”

I look up now. “Lover?” She nods, a smile forming as I assume she’s thinking about Charming. Personally, I’ve always hated the arrogant bastard. I sit down on a fallen log as Snow begins to clear the area of leaves to start camp. “Who’s your lover, if you don’t mind me asking?” I’m certain I know the answer but I am oblivious as to what she sees in Charming. Wait… Did she say werewolf?”

“An absolutely gorgeous woman by the name of Red,” she smiles as she gathers dry leaves and sticks. “I love her with absolute everything I have. We are to meet her when we get to our destination.”

“But… people say you are in love with a man,” I speak, now more than confused.

“Because I’ve been seen with a man. But no, I’m not with him. He cares for me, that much I know but we only work together to get rid of the queen. My heart belongs to Red, even if he gives me his heart,” she smiles more as she thinks about her. The smile of someone lovestruck. The smile of someone truly, deeply in love. The smile I once held myself. “We plan to marry once everything is over and rule together, side by side.”

“Won’t people see that unethical? Because it’s… abnormal?”

“The unity between a man and a woman is so the women can bare children and allow the bloodline to continue… Magic can do the same to people that are couples but not opposing genders. We plan on having children though, yes.”

She takes some rocks, beginning to create a spark that would be serving as our warmth. “You already have this planned out,” I observe. She nods, kneeling down and blowing on the now growing flame.

“We do. After what happened to Peter, she feared that she couldn’t control herself… Couldn’t fall in love again, be happy. As for me… Well, I was with her. And some time passed, it happened. We were… Well,” she laughs as she thinks. “.. .We were talking one night and the next thing we know, we’ve admitted that we… love each other. More than friends… I love her with everything I have and I wouldn’t give a second though in saving her if it meant I lost my life. I’d do anything for her. And I look forward to the day where we’re both laying in bed and not have to worry about another damned thing.” She stands now, the flames blazing. “I’m sorry. I’ve rambled too much…” She pauses, taking a deep breath to compose herself before turning her attention to me. “I’m gonna go hunt. Will you be alright here?” she inquires as she grabs her bow and quiver.

I nod, meeting her gaze. “Yeah,” I smile in return. She nods before turning and leaving. I now look at the fire. A lover. A female lover. Snow? I would have never guessed. Even though I’ve always watched her, this information is astonishing. I thought she was with Charming. Every interaction with him was close and I was certain they were also closer than friends. But now that I think about it, she always was closer to Red, with absolutely everything. Maybe Charming was a decoy so I wouldn’t go after Red. Maybe she kept the relationship a secret as well so people wouldn’t judge her for it. She did need all the support she could get.

I stop suddenly, feeling a ping of jealousy overcome me. Married… She’s to get married. To a woman. What about me though? What happens when she does take over? Where do I fall in the mix?

Quite honestly, I’m growing rather nervous. And truthfully, I don’t feel like being set to the side once Snow marries Red. Part of me doubts that she will fully leave me alone and ensure that I’m happy but the other part says she’ll be too happy to even notice me. I shake my head quickly, allowing the thoughts to leave. I have to be more conscious of where my mind wanders. I don’t need to be assuming things. I have to teach myself to live in the present… Easier said than done.

Around an hour later, Snow comes back with some wild turkeys and deer. “Good hunt?” I inquire, watching as she begins to skin the animals.

She shrugs. “Could be better. But I believe this will be enough to full our stomachs tonight. Oh. I also found some berries.” She opens and sets down a satchel filled with variously coloured berries. I can’t help it as my eyes light up. She seems to notice for a wide smile crosses her features. “I take it I did good finding these?” she laughs. I immediately nod.

“I love berries. I haven’t had any in such a long time. I don’t venture out too far due to my constant working.”

Snow stops suddenly. “Wait,” she whispers as though something just dawn on her. “You said before that your family works in the mills. You have a family! I took you away from your family! Your parents must be worried sick!” she exclaims as she jumps to her feet. “No. We gotta get you back home, Wilma. You can’t be going this far away from home.”

“I have no home,” I state. I don’t realize how true the statement was until after a few moments of silence.

“But…” She falters. “I thought you said that…”

“My family works in the mills? They’re not my family. There’s a difference between family and someone you live with. They’re just… just there… and I think… well… they owned me, mostly?”

“Owned you?” she inquires, her eyebrows furrowing with concern.

“Well… I worked for them. They allowed me to live there.” I don’t even know where any of this was coming from. It just came out and I don’t even know how far down a hole I’m going. I don’t know if I’ll be able to climb out if I go any deeper .But I just continue for some fucking reason. “I’ve tried to find a reason to leave for the longest time.”

She nods slowly in understanding before gently taking both of my hands in hers. “Well, I can assure you Wilma that you’re gonna be a whole lot happier with us. You’ll be our equal. I swear it,” she smiles to reassure me and I can’t help as I smile back, seeing the truth behind the words she speaks. She runs her thumb over my knuckles before letting go, pulling away. I almost sigh at the loss, wanting to hold onto her more but I just allow her to retreat.

Snow turns her attention to the meat present in front of us before she continues to skin the creature. She works quickly and skillfully and I find myself suddenly curious. “How do you kill them? Where do you aim?”

“I try to make it as humane as possible. I typically aim for the head. It’ll immediately kill them so they feel as little pain as possible in return.” She looks up. “Gruesome. I know. But we need to eat and I doubt we can live on berries as much as I know you’d like to,” she teases and I feel my face turn a light pink, not being able to truly help it.

“Shush,” I mumble as I find an acorn, throwing it at her. She looks up and smiles, a playful glitter forming in her eyes.

“And what was that for?”

I shrug. “I suppose just for the Hell of it. Is that a sufficient answer?” I smile.

“It depends.”

“On?”

“How I’m feeling,” she smiles.

I laugh in disbelief at that. “Is that how that works?”

“Yes, it is,” she laughs in return. I glance at the belongings set down and smile as I grab a soft, makeshift pillow, chucking it at her. She catches it with relative ease, a large smile stretched across her features.

“Well, if you’re gonna be that way about it.” She walks over, playfully hitting me with the pillow. I grab another one for self-defense, laughing as I attempt to do the same. She easily gets out of the way, managing to hit me again.

“Snow!” I cry out.

“Oh, Wilma!” she responds, laughing before hitting me once more. I somehow manage to snatch the pillow.

“What are you gonna do now that you’re defenseless?” I inquire. She smiles before turning around and rushing off. I stand now, beginning to chase her. “Oh, no you don’t!”

She laughs in return as we head deeper into the forest, the laugh filling the air, warmth and some form of happiness spreading through me. I don’t even recall the last time I’ve just ran. Ever since I became queen. It feels so foreign to me and my body isn’t necessarily used to the exertion yet my adrenaline has yet to fade or even tell my brain to pay attention to what my body is doing or what could have possibly came over me. But even I’m unsure about this.

Somehow, my feet know exactly where to land, what to avoid, what to step on to boost myself. Until they don’t, my foot getting caught underneath a root. I cry out instinctively as I’m sent flying. I clench my eyes shut, ready to plummet against the Earth. I never do. Instead, strong yet tender arms catch me and I’m held firmly against Snow’s chest. She smiles down at me. “Hey. You alright?” she inquires as she holds me, shifting so I’m now in her arms bridal style. “That would have been quite a nasty fall. Did you hurt or twist anything?”

I shake my head, feeling the blood rush to my face. “N-no… No. I’m alright.” I manage to whisper out.

“Good. I’m glad. Come on, let’s get back,” she hums casually as she begins to carry me back to camp, acting as though it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“You know, I have legs. I can walk myself,” I begin.

She shrugs. “I like it,” she hums and I feel my heart pound against my chest. “I used to carry Red like this.” My heart falters and a wave of strong disappointment and sadness falls over me, enveloping me like a suffocating darkness. I let out a small sigh but other than that, don’t say anything else, my body telling me to just enjoy her holding me. So that’s what I do.

The walk back is quiet and comfortable and I find myself content in her arms, feeling myself beginning to doze off, feeling safe as though nothing can harm me. “Are you comfortable?” I nod tiredly.

“Yes, very,” I answer.

It become silent once again and right before I fall asleep, I hear a quiet, “I’m glad.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Would You Let Me Back In?**

**Chapter Six**

“When you hold the bow, pull the arrow back as far as it’ll go. Make sure that the string is taunt,” Snow instructs me. I’m rather hesitant, feeling as though if I pull anymore, it’ll snap despite her constant reassurances.

“I really don’t want to. What if it snaps?” I inquire. Over the last couple of nights, she had stayed up constructing a bow for me and had lost a decent amount of sleep. She told me that it was means of protecting myself for we were getting further away from civilization and it would still be a while before we get to our destination. She said that a sword could only do so much and it would be better to keep as great of a distance as possible between myself and the enemy.

“Stop your worrying,” she smiles, leaning against a tree. “The only way that string snaps is by magic. I’ve gotten the Blue Fairy to enchant all my string that I use for clothing and weapons. But if all rivers run dry, I have some regular string constructed from the finest blacksmith in the Enchanted Forest.” She takes a swing from her flask and I’ve noticed that she has been drinking more as we trench further North. She sees my gaze and arches a raven eyebrow. “Care for some?” She offers, holding the flask out to me.

“No. I’m quite alright,” I shake my head, offering her a smile. “You merely surprise me the more I get to know you, is all. You certainly ar4en’t a light weight when it comes to alcohol and that particular kind isn’t exactly weak.”

She laughs and I feel heat rush throughout my body, my own heart picking up. It’s been doing so more often as time continues to progress and I no longer have the will to suppress it. So I just allow it to consume me. She sets the flask down and walks over, taking my arms gently and positioning them precisely, her head resting on my shoulder so she could get a better look and I can feel her breath on my neck, contrasting greatly with the crisp air. I bite my lower lip to suppress a whimper, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks but it appears she’s too focused on the task at hand to even notice.

“You’re too tense,” she speaks after repositioning my shoulders. “You wanna be rigid, not tense.”

“The difference?” I glance at her, confused.

“You’re nervous about something and you’re not gonna be focused on your target,” she explains. “Keep your gaze ahead. You see where I carved out the tree and made a makeshift target?” I look forward, only now noticing it. When did she even make that? “Remember. Bow taunt, arrow back as far as it’ll go. Keep the arrow eye-level to get a general sense of where it’s going. If you need to, you can put it in front of you because it should fly straight.”

I nod, attempting to soak in as much information as possible. I close my eyes for a few moments before opening them, releasing the arrow. I set the bow down, looking over at Snow as she suddenly cheers. “You got it, Wilma!” she laughs, clapping her hands. I turn my head, surprised that I did manage to land the arrow in the middle. She walks to it and takes it out of the tree. “Think you can do it again?” she smiles. 

I barely comprehend what she’s saying, only seeing her brilliant smile and her green eyes shimmering proudly in the mid-morning sun. I slowly nod when it registers, lifting the bow as I grab another arrow, attempting to reposition myself as I pull the string back. I release. Only this time, I’m far from target. My eyebrows knit together in confusion as I attempt to find where the arrow went only, to my horror, seeing it embedded into Snow’s shoulder.

Nausea overwhelms me as I rush over, kneeling down in front of her for she had sunk to her knees. “Snow! I’m so sorry! I didn’t-! I-! It wasn’t my intention-!” I try to apologize but the guilt takes over, tears beginning to blur my vision.

An airy and slightly pained laugh escapes Snow. “N-no! It’s okay, Wilma. I was standing too close. Don’t worry about it. I’m okay.”

“Snow, there’s an arrow in your shoulder! You’re far from it!” I look at it, seeing the tip of it coming out through the other side, causing me to grow even sicker. “Oh God…. I’m… I’m so sorry… Here, let me…” I lift my hands to the arrow to which she pulls away, my heart aching at her actions.

“I can take it out myself,” she whispers. “Not that I don’t trust you… I’ve been able to do it before though…”

I nod in understanding, not realizing the tears that flowed down until I saw them landing on my dress. “Snow…”

“Wilma. No, don’t cry. I’m alright.” She lifts a gentle hand to my cheek, tenderly wiping away the tears with her thumb. Why am I crying? I have no reason to. I don’t. But I’m worried. The arrow is through fucking skin, muscle, tissue, maybe even bone. “I’m alright,” she repeats, offering me a smile yet it does next to nothing upon easing my fears.

“Let’s get back to camp,” I eventually whisper, trying to think of what to do to help. “Can you walk?” I inquire. “I’m not strong but I’m sure that I can manage a decent amount if you need to lean on me.”

She nods and I wrap an arm around her waist, helping her up. She stumbles slightly before leaning on her good side against me to which I’m grateful she’s not being stubborn. As we walk, I can’t help the fear rising in my chest. She’s more than likely alright and no doubt has been through so much worse. But I have no idea about arrows and I’m bad at stitching wounds. Nor do I know anything about herbs and how they could potentially help. I begin to grow even more nervous before we even arrive.

I hear her suppressed groan as she lies down. She shifts onto her side, avoiding moving the arrow. I sit down next to her, watching her sluggish movements. “What can I do?” I practically beg, her being injured giving a cold feeling in my chest. I fucking hate irony. She curses beneath her breath before sighing.

“I think I’m too weak… You’ll need to remove the arrow… How deeply lodged is it?”

“It went straight through,” I rasp out to which she nods.

“I’ll guide you on what you need to do. The procedure is rather simple. Think you’re capable?”

“No,” I respond to which she laughs, my heart aching this time around. “Snow, it’s not funny. I’ve never done anything like this before! I wouldn’t even know where to fucking start!”

“Just listen to me and you’ll be just fine.” She hisses slightly as she sits up. “Since it went straight through, the best way to get it out is by sawing it. Use one of my daggers in the sacks.” I nod before searching for one, finding the one that she typically uses for creating spears and cutting ropes. I move over to her, my heads shaking before I carefully begin to saw through the wood. I let out a breath as part of it falls into my hand, to which Snow presses a cloth to the now bleeding hole.

“I’m sorry if this hurts,” I apologize before pulling the other half out, being careful not to move it to either side so I don’t cause unnecessary damage.

“Didn’t know you were that strong to land an arrow straight through me,” she sighs before laying down, a wave of exhaustion falling over her. “Mmm… There’s no easy way to access the wound to stitch it. Would you be uncomfortable if I took off my shirt?”

Almost immediately, my face heats up before I shake my head. “N-no. I should be asking you that. As long as I can get to your shoulder, it doesn’t matter to me.”

She nods and goes to undo the lacing to which I stop her, taking her hands gently for I see the discomfort despite the fact that she was attempting to hide it. “Let me. If it’s hurting you to move, I don’t want you to. Just lie down.”

Snow does so without any resistance and I’m rather surprised to watch as my fingers carefully undo her lacing, her shirt now falling open. I’ve seen her before but did not have a view such as now. I can’t help but allow my eyes to wander. Snow takes no notice for her own eyes are closed. And the view provided to me is nothing I’d ever thought I would see even after the first peak.

She’s fit, extraordinarily so too. She has well defined muscles on her stomach to which they are capable of belonging to a man. Apart from the muscles, she has various scars to which she could easily pass on from being a soldier in the military. I can’t help but trace a particularly large one to which she shudders beneath me and red quickly permeates my cheeks. “How’d you get so many scars?” I can’t help but question aloud.

She smiles slightly. “Mostly from the queen’s men. A few from peasants and others wanting to turn me in for the reward.”

“… How many times have you been stabbed before?”

“I’ve stopped counting,” she answers, her voice filled with fatigue. “But some of them are due to my own clumsiness and others are from Red.”

“Red?” I look up now.

She nods. “I’ve told you… She has a hard time containing her wolf at times. I’ve had to get close to throw the hood over her.”

“Are you not safe around her?” I inquire. “I mean, those scars are awfully big.”

“She’s getting better at containing herself. We’ve been working on it for a few months and she’s made a lot of progress. She’s doing well and no doubt Granny is still helping her make progress. There hasn’t been an incident in quite some time.”

I take in what she says, looking down at my hand that is resting on her stomach and only then do I notice that I’ve been tracing the muscles. I curse silently, wondering if Snow knows or if she’s in too much pain. Right, the fucking arrow.

“Okay, what do I do now? You’ve used some type of herb cream on my leg. Do I need to make one?”

“No. I made it because your wound got infected. It was a dirty blade, remember? The arrows are mostly clean because I barely re-use my arrows. And if I do, I ensure to clean them well,” she stops and shifts, uncomfortable.

“… How do I stitch you up? You don’t need to be bleeding more than you have to.” I begin to search through the bags, growing rather frantic upon not retrieving anything helpful.

“Needle and thread is in the small pouch. It’s too tiny to be in the big ones,” Snow speaks as she watches me.

“I knew that,” I mumble, ignoring the heat rising to my cheeks yet again. She laughs in return, rather at ease despite the fact that there had been an arrow shoved in her less than a few minutes ago. Upon opening the pouch, I take out the needle and threat. “Okay. What do I do now?”

“You have to stitch me, much like you would a piece of cloth. The skin is thicker so you’re gonna wanna put some strength behind each stitch.”

“Snow, you’re not a piece of fucking cloth! What if I mess up? I don’t wan tot hurt you anymore than I’ve done!”

“Wilma, I’ve been through much worse. As long as the bleeding is stopped and the wound is stitched, it doesn’t really matter.”

“But it does. You don’t need to go through any unnecessary pain.”

She gives me a tender smile in return. “You’re so sweet, Wilma, but you need to stitch me regardless. I’m unable to do so myself and I know you’re worried…” She pauses. “If you want, you can create an herb combination to help me sleep so you don’t accidentally hurt me.”

I stare at her for a bit. “You really trust me this much? I mean, the amount of blood you’re losing could potentially kill you.”

“Wilma. I haven’t a reason to _not_ trust you. You’ve given no indication that you wish me any harm whatsoever. All you’ve done was be kind and helpful. I’m sure if you wanted to hurt me that you would have done so already. I mean, you’ve had more than enough chances and you have easy access to plenty of weapons. If you did wish to hurt me, you would have. So yes, Wilma. I trust you this much. And even more. You’ve been a true friend for the last few weeks and I thank you for that.”

I keep my gaze down, refusing to look at her as I sigh once she finishes. _If only you knew_ , I think to myself, feeling the weight of guilt pressing down upon my chest. It’s been a more common occurrence as we head forward and regret continues to build alongside. I’ve found myself staying awake more and more frequently, my mind seemingly never calming down.

“What are you thinking about?” Snow asks quietly as she rests her hand upon mine that had returned to her abdomen. My thumb mindlessly moves back and forth, tracing the line in the middle of her body.

“A lot,” I mumble, just staring at the dead grass revealed between the furs and cloths. “There’s an awful lot that you don’t know about me, Snow. And I fear if you even find out, our relationship shall be no longer…” I glance up, studying her gaze as she does the same to me. “I’ve grown to care for you a lot in these weeks. Far more than I’ve ever expected to… And I don’t want our relationship to be in any form of jeopardy.”

“What you’ve done, you’ve done, Wilma. We can’t change the past. We can only learn from it. If we continue to dwell, we’ll make ourselves sick. What we do now and in the future can make up the past… We can become different people. There’s always a chance to be good. And if you have done anything wrong… I don’t know that Wilma. The Wilma I know is kind and loving. And no matter what you tell me, I shall always be with you. My image of you will never change because of something you’ve done before we met, my friend.”

All I can do as she talks is listen and despite the reassurances, I don’t wan tot tell her anything. But even I don’t want the past creeping up on me. I don’t want Wilma to disappear anytime soon, nor do I want to return to isolation and hurt. “What herbs do I need to make it?” I eventually begin to search. She holds out her hand for the bag to which I now give her. She takes out an array of tiny satchels, each filled with different leaves. She hands me five, putting the rest away. 

“These. Pour some water In the bowl that you’ll place them it. Don’t mash it up but boil the water. I would advise you to cover your mouth and nose for even the scent is intoxicating enough to send one to sleep.”

I nod in return, following her instructions. As the concoction boils, I keep my gaze on it, refusing to look at Snow as the fears continuously spur in my stomach and my anxiety only heightens each passing moment. I want to make conversation to ease my worries but I’m aware that’ll do little good. I hand the bowl over, wrapped in cloths to ensure that neither of us burn ourselves. She smiles with a “thank you” before drinking it. Her body relaxes upon finishing as she drifts off to sleep. The camp is now silent, the final flames dying due to my lack of attention.

As the blood accumulates, I know that I can’t procrastinate anymore. I’m silent as I work and I don’t allow my thoughts to wander, for once. But my hands are shaky and I find myself making more mistakes than I wanted… Well, far more than I expected. It takes a while for me to sew and bandage both sides of the wound, night haven fallen whereas I had started mid-day. But it is the beginning of winter so the days are shorter, in my defense.

Upon finishing, I head to the flowing river nearby, attempting to scrub the blood off but no matter how had I try, there seems to be lingering blood as though a punishment, a reminder that her blood is there because of me, that I could have potentially killed her. The thought of it makes me sick. I have changed, I suppose. I don’t want to lose her. A large part of me wants nothing with the past now. The life I had sickens me and I’ll be damned if I were to return back to it.

I give up on my attempt to get the blood off, my hands frigid. I grab some wood we accumulated when we first set up amp and started up the fire, allowing my hands to warm as the flames roar to life. Boiling some water, I allow it to cool before taking a wooden ladle and carefully pouring the water down Snow’s throat. I remember Daniel saying that the body needed plenty of fluid to make up for the lost blood and Snow had ensured that I was hydrated whilst healing too. I give her some, ensuring that she wouldn’t choke.

I glance at the meat lying in the corner, not hungry even in the slightest despite not eating since daybreak. I’m far too sick to even think about food. I sigh, shrugging on my shawl and placing several furs over Snow. My concern eases as she seemingly relaxers in her sleep and I’m grateful for it.

I don’t lay down, knowing that I wouldn’t sleep, regardless of trying. My eyes wander around the tent and I spot her shirt that had been thrown to the side. The furs and leather are drenched with blood and I know that that’s her main winter attire, apart from her cloak.

I reach over and grab it, staring at the large holes before grabbing the needle and thread, patching the clothing far more quickly and easily. I’m familiar with stitching for my mother taught me at a young age. It also helped that it wasn’t a fucking human that I’ve grown to care about so if I did so happen to slip, the only injury would be a pricked finger at most. I neatly fold the shirt and set it aside, not wanting to risk waking her. Besides, the fur blankets should provide her with the needed warmth.

And I’m left alone with my thoughts and the words spoken hours earlier. I truly wish it were as simple as that. To tell her who I really am and for her to welcome me back into her life with open arms and unconditional life. And now I’m faced with another question. What sort of love do I want with her? The mother/daughter bond seems like a simple enough answer but I’m sure what I feel towards her now.

She’s attractive, there’s absolutely not a single doubt in my mind about that. And I’ve never seen myself truly attracted to any man so being a woman is definitely newer to me than I thought it was. Yet she has a fiancée and she’s ecstatic about marrying her. I can’t walk in and create a shit ton of chaos, especially not if she ever finds out my true identity. I pray to any higher being that might never be the case.

There’s still several other factors that concern me for the upcoming future and those don’t take into account being discovered. Upon marrying Red, they’re no doubt going to take back the kingdom expect it’ll basically be up for grabs. They’ll be searching day and night for me and will most likely use magic. But Snow isn’t going to be making choices on her own anymore. Red’s going to have some sort of influence over her and I don’t know how forgiving she is. If I play my cards right, there’s a large chance that Snow will be fine with me if she finds me out. She knows that I’m capable of doing good. She’s seen it. But Red hasn’t and will more than likely do anything to ensure Snow is safe.

But now I wonder if everything does turn in my favour, how I should deal with my own emotions. Daniel is the only one I’ve ever truly loved but I’ve been attracted to a few others when I was in my youth. However, the attraction to Daniel and Snow is vastly different yet influential. Truthfully, I believe if I continue to linger around her, that I would either hurt the two or get hurt myself. I figure leaving would be the best choice to spare my feelings yet even now, the thought of returning to the life I led before leaves a bitter taste.

I shift my gaze to the resting girl, staring at her delicate features. She reminds me much of her younger self. It seems as though little has changed. But she’s not as easily persuaded anymore. In fact, she’s become one of the most stubborn and determined people I’ve ever met. I can’t help but admire her for that. I tuck a strand of raven hair away from her face, my hand lingering on her cheek and I’m thankful to find the skin warm.

Laying down next to her, I find it no different than any other night. She always falls asleep before me for she does most of the labour throughout the day. While I insist that I want to help, she always shrugs me off, saying how she’s been doing this before I came with her. I argue that she has a helping hand and that she should take advantage of it. I wonder when she developed her stubbornness. The only thing she accepts is if I carry my belongings which was a pain to get her to agree to.

I left a lot behind the moment I decided to become Wilma. Actually, I never once reckoned that I wanted to live the rest of my life out as a peasant girl. Mother would certainly have something to say. She always does… But I’ve cut off contact with her long ago and I’ve ensured that she’ll never meddle with my life any longer.


	7. Chapter 7

**Would You Let Me Back In?**

**Chapter Seven**

“Wilma, come on. I’m capable of carrying my own things,” Snow huffs as we begin the journey for the day. I had grabbed everything, both hers and mine as a way to apologize for shooting her with an arrow. Before she even had begun to stir, I had already gotten everything gathered and packed.

“No. You know that I don’t even want you walking. I wanted you to rest and heal but you insisted… This is a compromise,” I respond, shifting the weight so it will rest comfortably. I turn slightly, glancing back at her as she throws a glare at me, obviously upset that I’m being stubborn. I laugh top myself, something about her playful pout making her adorable, her childish side present and it reminds me that she is still a princess and in ways, is used to getting her way. Red must spoil her. I turn around, the sudden thought of her lover causing a rush of jealousy to go through me. Especially after last night. I don’t recall when but in the middle of the night, she had curled up to me and I woke up holding her. TO have her in my arms gave me such a content feeling, something that I truly didn’t feel in a long time. And as we continue to walk, it feels as though I’m just handing her to Red and… I’ll never experience that same warmth.

The jealousy grows more as time progresses and I know that I shouldn’t dwell on it. For fuck’s sake, it’s wrong. There’s an astounding age3 gap even if I am practically young forever and… they’ve been planning their marriage for quite a while. I have no right to just go in there and… claim her, despite how much I want to. God, what’s wrong with me? Why have these feelings developed so quickly? Why is she having such a profound impact on me?

“Are you alright?” Snow inquires, suddenly ripping me out of my thoughts. I give her the most convincing smile that I’m capable of mustering. It wasn’t good enough as she easily sees right though it, her eyes boring into mine, as if peeling back everything and being able to stare right into my soul. I grow uncomfortable, shifting my weight from one leg to the other, hating how she was capable of doing such a task so easily, as though she’s known me the entirety of her life… Right, fuck. I’m Regina, not Wilma and she knows me, not the façade, disguise that Rumple has placed on me. It’s only skin deep… and part of her knows that. “You’re hurting,” she continues. “And you’re fighting so hard to hide it. What’s on your mind?”

I back up, startled at how much she was piecing together. IF she goes any deeper… Please, don’t let her find out. I remain silent, not knowing what to say but my mouth remains open, my throat growing dry. “It-it’s nothing,” I finally manage to rasp out. “It’s nothing, I’m alright,” I lie through my teeth, starting to walk again. Please don’t insist, please don’t find me out, please let me have this… Stay as Wilma for as long as I can. Please… let me be happy.

“Wilma,” she continues and I tense up more, thinki9ng that she’s going to attempt to figure me out. “Going down,” she whispers. I turn, dropping the items, rushing over and catching her before she hits the ground, letting out a breath of relief. Relief for being able to catch her or for her not being able to harp, I’m unsure. But it fades away when I notice that she passed out.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit,” I curse beneath my breath, ripping her shift off to analyze the wound. “Fucking shit.” I unwrap the bandage, seeing the stitched laceration infected, anger at myself forming. “Damn it. Snow, not now. Please, not now… wake up…” I lightly tap her cheek, carefully laying her down as I search through the bags. I had packed in a rush so I don’t even recall where anything is, my heart pounding in my eyes, the only thing I hear. I stop suddenly, a hand taking mine, a thumb rubbing my knuckles to calm me.

“I’m okay,” Snow breathes, looking at me through tired eyes. “I’m okay. I just felt a bit faint.”

I go towards her, the concern still present as I gather her in my arms, burying my face into her good shoulder. “I’m sorry,” I whimper, emotions overwhelming me and I have no idea where they even sprang up from. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, please. Forgive me…” I begin to cry, wishing that the forgiveness I was begging for was only for the arrow. But she won’t know. She doesn’t know. “I’m so sorry, Snow. Please. I’m so sorry…. I-… There’s no… Snow, I’m so fucking sorry, so sorry… so…”

She wraps her arms around me as tight as she can which isn’t a lot and I can’t help but compare it to the first time she held me. It’s as though it doesn’t belong to her, as though all of her strength that I know well she has is gone. “Wilma, it’s alright. Please, don’t worry about it. It’s okay. I’m fine,” she attempts.

“But you’re not,” I mumble into her neck, my grip tightening around her, trying to get as physically close to her as I could. “I’m sorry… If I can take your pain away, I’d instantly do so, regardless of the price.”

She pulls away, taking my face in her hands as she meets my gaze. “Wilma,” she starts, her vice firm, leaving little room for argument. “I’m fine, regardless of what you think. I’m a bit tired, but it isn’t going to slow me down. My body needs to adjust to what I want to do and I have a lot of willpower. Nothing is going to stop me, not even myself. Please, don’t worry…” She tenderly wipes the remaining tears on my cheeks with her thumbs. I can’t help but lean into the palm of her hand, my eyes closing as I grow content with the position.

“Are you sure?” I whisper after I take a few moments to compose myself.

“If I weren’t, I wouldn’t say it. I’ve always pushed myself and my body. That’s how I’ve gotten here today… Where I am not a damned thing, not even death is gonna stop me. I’ll fight whatever creator there is if I have to.”

I let out a laugh at her determination, seeding it more than admirable. I finally allow myself to pull away, staring at her shoulder. “At least let me reclean that before we leave.” She nods and sits on a large rock.

As I clean her wound, the air is silent but the atmosphere is comfortable. I feel more at ease than I did last night for I know now if I’m hurting her. She gives no indication but every now and then, I glance up to ensure, seeing her staring out in space, lost in thought.

My hands stop as I get lost in her features, light freckles dusting the bridge of her nose and cheeks. Her eyes glisten in the early afternoon sun, a beautiful green, akin to the precious gem of peridot, causing me to want to drown in them. I notice the light brown around her pupils and some darker green specks that are apparent around the lenses. She doesn’t notice that I stopped, her pupils small, focused on nothing and I know she’s not in the real world anymore.

I wonder what she’s thinking about. Maybe how beautiful the sun rays are, or how grand the mountains surrounding the forest makes us seem so small, or maybe she’s reminiscing a childhood time with her mother and father… Or maybe with Regina. Or she’s looking towards the future, what it has in story for her… Who she will share it with… My eyes shift and I notice the faintest of smiles on her lips. Red. She’s thinking of her lover. So devout, Snow is. Even when a woman Is tendering to her, her shirt off, everything exposed, she has no ill intentions. She thinks of her fiancée and no one more. Her heart is filled with love for her and has no room for another to love. She is committed, faithful… How both I and Daniel once were.

Something glistens and I now see the horse pendant glimmering from the star. Her free hand absentmindedly fiddles with it. She has no room to love another romantically but I know she has enough to love those who have once loved her… Who might still love her. She turns the stallion every so often, her fingertips gliding over the engraving, knowing exactly where it’s located, giving me the indication that she does this often but I have only truly noticed now.

I pull myself from my thoughts, deciding to not stitch up the wound. I tightly wrap the bandage around her shoulder to staunch the blood flow. She grimaces suddenly and I stop… and… a part of me wants to see her grimace again. I continue, wrapping tighter, a feeling that I haven’t felt since Daniel rushing through me as she hisses in pain, a pleasant ache between my legs growing, warmth rolling through my veins. I’m aroused… Her pain arouses me and I find myself wanting so much more. Maybe if I can elicit a moan from her… No. No, stop.

I loosen the bandage before tying it off. “Forgive me. I wanted to ensure that the blood wouldn’t escape,” I half-lie, guilt forming. She shakes her head, giving me a reassuring smile.

“It’s quite alright, Wilma. I know how it is, especially since you didn’t stitch me up again. When we do get there, I’m sure Red will be able to stitch it.”

I merely nod in return, jealousy rearing its ugly head again and I find it growing more difficult to contain. “Does she always stitch your wounds?”

“Only the ones I can’t reach,” she answers, pulling her shirt on and tying the laces in front, hiding any form of pain yet I notice the slight grimace her mouth creates upon adjusting her arm, the warmth flooding back in as we start walking once more. It’s quiet this time around, more so than before as we walk side by side. No longer am I following her nor do I require any assistance as opposed to the fist few days. Yet neither of us mind it, lost in our respective thoughts. Mine are more than likely decently darker than hers…

It’s strange, very much so. I had grown to despise the thought of her being in any form of pain whatsoever. So to be… excited upon me causing her the pain, to see and hear what I was doing to her, shocked me to say the least. Now a part of me truly wishes to have seen her awake last night. To see her under me, shirt off, to weak to truly fight me as I stitch her. No doubt her reactions would be that much better, especially since I was accidentally stabbing her. It’s strange that smaller wounds hurt that much more. Getting a splinter seemed worse than when that stupid blade dug into my leg. I wonder why that is.

My gaze continues to shift back to Snow, ensuring that she’s alright and that there were no signs of her passing out again or falling. God, isn’t that so fucking contradicting? I _want_ to see her in pain due to me but I hate the thought of her being truly injured. What does that even say about me? What I feel towards her, her relationship. I shouldn’t even care because I know that there isn’t a single chance of me getting with her. I would be abusive. Right. I think… or perhaps it would only be sexually. That doesn’t make it _any_ better. This is why I like keeping my emotions at bay. It’s just easier. I wouldn’t eb fighting myself, nor would I be falling for the one I’ve been trying to kill for years.

I shudder, a frigid wind pulling me out of my thoughts and I wrap the furs around me tighter. Snow turns to me, her gaze full of concern. “Are you alright?” she inquires.

“Yeah. Nothing to worry about. The wind caught me off guard,” I respond.

She opens a bag, taking out another fur covering, wrapping it around me. I begin to grow annoyed at her concern and as she notices, she grows confused. “Is something the matter?”

“Are you trying to show off how kind you are?!” I demand, newfound anger rushing through me. It’s as tho0ugh she’s taunting me, as though she knows my liking of her and is rubbing in what I can never have, what Red is going to have.

“I’m sorry?” she begins, growing perplexed. “I’m not understanding.”

“You seem to be going above and beyond every little thing to show me how nice you are, how sweet and good natured you are. Why? What are your true intentions? Did you do this to trick me? To bring me out here and kill me? Surely that must be it, otherwise you aren’t human if you are this nice!”

“What? Wilma, where is this coming from. I don’t understand.” She stares into my eyes, sadness and hurt in her sand I shut my own, not wanting to melt again beneath her, not wanting to let her win, not wanting to let the emotions in. “Are you alright?”

“No!” I snap back, the words flooding past my lips before I could think, nonetheless stop them. “Why are you trying so hard to rub in that you’re something I can never be?! Why must you be so kind as opposed to the world that is wicked and evil?! Why do you stand and leer above the rest, laughing because you _know_ you’re the exception, that you’re that person everyone loves and aspires to be but no one is strong enough and submits to the evils, sins and tragedies that life throws at them?! Why are you… why are you so fucking perfect?! Why do you believe that you’re not to add to your selflessness? After the world took so much from you, why do you still stare at it dead in the eyes and say that you’re still standing, that you haven’t submitted, that you… you fight it each and every turn… Wouldn’t it be that much fucking easier? To just say fuck it and stop, allow life to just take over?” I stare at her, wanting so many answers, my legs shaking. “Why are you so forgiving? So gentle and strong? So.. so much like a goddess and yet you are so humble which makes you even more perfect? I don’t understand. While so many have crumpled and died, you grew and strived. How do you do it? How?!”

“I don’t,” she says calmly, more anger rushing through me. She sees this and quickly starts to explain. “Wilma, I don’t live my life to please others. I don’t try to make a persona because I want people to like me. If I were to do that… I’d be committing crimes left and right. I don’t care if people like me. I’m doing what I think is right. And if I let life get the best of me, if I just do what people or life wants me to do, then I’m not living. I’m a puppet being controlled… and I just can’t live that way.

“I’m not trying to show off how kind I am to you, neither. I care about you, Wilma. Very much so. You have become like a sister to me these past couple of weeks. The environment, nature is dangerous. It truly is and I don’t want you getting sick. Herbs can only do so much for you and if you do get sick, especially as winter sets in, there is a possibility of you dying here.

“I don’t know what you went through before I met you and I don’t know how many horrid people you’ve known but I care about you, so tremendously so.” She walks over, taking me in her arms, holding me tightly as I hear the truth behind her words. As she holds me, I feel the anger disappear, replaced by warmth. I don’t understand how she does it, I don’t understand any of it but no part of me is willing to fight it anymore.

Then comes the guilt. The fucking guilt again. Her kindness and sincerity behind her words is nothing that I’ve experienced before I met her and no part of me denies what she’s saying. I wrap my arms around her, remaining quiet. “I wish everyone was as genuine as you,” I mumble after a few minutes. “I’m sorry.”

“I get it, Wilma. I truly do. Trusting people is one of the hardest things anyone can do and believing their motives is even harder. If you don’t believe me, it’s fine. My view of you won’t change. I see a tortured soul behind those words with a troubled past. But I also see someone who wants to love and be loved but is afraid of getting hurt. The strongest thing one can do is love and trust even after being hurt. And I haven’t a doubt you’ll be able to do so again. If it’s with me, I’m glad. If not, that’s alright too.”

“Damn you, just let me be angry,” I whimper, holding her tighter.

“Be as angry as you want… I’m going to be next to you regardless.”

I hold her tighter, wanting to be angry, annoyed, upset but those feelings are only aimed to me. I don’t deserve her. I know I don’t but I’ too selfish to let her go.

“Do you feel better? At all?” She inquires after a few minutes. I nod, having calmed down entirely. I let go as she smiles at me, her eyes shining with pure love and warmth.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no, Wilma. Don’t ever be sorry for expressing your feelings and showing your emotions. Not for a single second. It’s far too unhealthy to push your emotions back and it’s even worse if you don’t have anyone to go to and you feel alone. Wilma, I want you to promise me one thing.”

“Anything,” I nod, no hesitation behind my words.

“Promise me that you’ll come to me no matter what. For a shoulder to cry on to just someone to talk to. I’m gonna be here, no matter what. I swear to you, no matter what.”

I clench my eyes shut, going back into her arms and holding her again. “I promise,” I whisper into her neck and I feel the faintest of shudders rush through her body. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me…” She pulls away, smiling before she grabs the bags, ensuring that I had no way of taking them before her. She turns to me, throwing a wink. “Not quick enough this time?”

“Not fair,” I huff in return, grabbing my own sword and bag. “I didn’t know what was happening.”

“Exactly,” she laughs as we walk until nightfall. Setting up for the night barely takes any time and before I know it, she’s asleep, leaning next to me. I shift her carefully into my arms as not to wake her, stroking her hair to relax myself from the creatures of the night. We have never encountered any that were dangerous yet it did help to ease my nerves. I shift slightly as I lie down, burying my face into her hair, taking in her scent. It calms me, eases me and before I know it, sleep has already taken me.

I’m woken up by movement, Snow slowly getting out of my grip, trying her best not to wake me. I groan softly in return, holding back a chuckle as she curses beneath her breath. “I didn’t want to wake you,” she speaks, starting to repack everything.

“Doesn’t warrant the cursing, does it?” I laugh in return, trying to ease her nerves. “It’s fine. No harm done.” I sit up, stretching before combing my fingers through my hair, huffing at a tangle. “Fucking damn it.”

“Who’s cursing now?” Snow smiles back at me.

“I’m a village girl, not royalty,” I respond, sticking my tongue out in response. “I’ve been surrounded by those who curse daily. Every other words that comes out is such. I suppose it’s part of my vocabulary so I have an excuse. What’s yours?”

“I don’t hang around people so I generally speak aloud and thus, don’t have a filer. Then again, Red also does a fair share of cursing.” She begins to take down the tent but I stop her before she does.

“Hold on. Let me check your wound.”

“But the bleeding stopped when you checked yesterday,” she answers. My motherly side kicks in as I stare at her, not loosening my grip. She sighs in return, sitting down and taking off her shirt. I look it over, happy to see it scabbing over.

“Do you still have herbs for that cream?” She nods, grabbing the pouch and creating it. I apply it carefully, a small part of me wanting to harm her, see the blood again but I push it aside in favour of treating and helping her as she did me yesterday. I rebandage it with a smile. “See, took no time at all,” I offer her a smile to which she rolls her eyes in a playful manner.

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, let’s get a move on. If we do it the way we did yesterday, we should be there in no time,” she smiles widely. “I can’t wait for you to meet Red and Granny. You’re gonna absolutely adore them.”

“You think?” I inquire, attempting to push the annoying emotion creeping up.

“Oh, I know. She’s the sweetest person you’ll ever meet.”

“Well, I have high expectations, especially since I met you.”

She laughs, her smile wide and her eyes glistening as she talks of her lover. “She surpasses me in many ways. She is far too good for me.”

I become quiet, my hands balling into fists. “I doubt that,” I mumble, staring ahead. “You’re probably far too good for her.”

“I am nothing compared to her. But I refuse to let her go. I fsomething were to happen to her… If I were to ever lose her…” She becomes quiet, her voice breaking as I see tears develop. “I wouldn’t be able to survive. I’d take my life to join her.”


End file.
